Friday, April 3, 2009

The end was the beginning

On March 27, 2008 we heard the team at our son's IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) conclude their reports with the statement, "According to all these results, we feel that Keith has autistic spectrum disorder." It took the wind out of me.
You see, we had been down this road 3 years before with his older sister. At that point, we were doing kindergarten round-up with her. We praised God all the time for
the miracle He gave us in her. A child who had overcame numerous fears, abhorred social settings and didn't even babble was now happily heading for kindergarten at our local public school. She was deemed a leader in her class by her teacher and did not test as autistic now. She is doing well still today despite lingering difficulties understanding communication.
I cannot tell you how badly I did not want to begin that long journey again. But, I am a woman who does what needs to be done. What I didn't know was how much this time
would affect me. I began to simply plod through life, one foot in front of the other. It felt like I was stuck in a dark pit. I would cry at the "autistic" things
my son would do. I couldn't understand why I felt so bad. I knew before we went to the IEP what we would hear. He had made no progress on his goals and objectives in the classroom that year. I knew that wasn't good. So if I already knew what we were going to hear, why was I struggling with it so much?!
I finally realized that I could not "make" him better. Abigail had responded in ways that Keith did not. And then I knew what was so different. I had never dealt with a chlid who was resistant to treatment. I had to trust that God knew what He was doing with my son. I had to give up everything I knew and hoped and dreamed for Keith and just accept that he may never be rehabilitated enough
to live without me.
Now, one year later, Keith is making nice progress. He will be 5 in July and will be going to an all day 5 days/week contained classroom next year. He is not going to regular kindergarten. But, you know what? That's fine with me. The end of Abigail's journey was the beginning of Keith's, and I don't care how long Keith needs me to trust in God because I always will.
Thank you for taking the time to read about a family with autism. We love our children and pray for God's best for them even if it's not something our human minds can conceive.


mattscraftywife said...

Oh Stasi, I feel your pain hon. I just posted my own story on my blog as well, and it sure takes a lot out of me to write it. I am SO glad you are trusting God for Keith's progress and his life. That's what we have to do. There is no alternative. Each child is different and responds differently to treatments and therapies. I know how much you love your boy, I feel the same way about mine.
Love ya!

♥WORDZ OF LIFE♥ said...

Stasi dear, I GET IT. When I found out about Tyler's autism, I felt as though a horse had backed up, taken aim and kicked me in the stomach...for WEEKS. Maybe months. But...we have God in our lives and I am so thankful He's there to lean on...I wouldn't be breathing or LIVING instead of EXISTING if I did not have Jesus! You and Matts have encouraged me to dig out my journal from the early diagnosis time and share it with you all as well. I'll be doing that very soon! Love you so much!

Luscious Lather said...

Stasi, I cannot claim to understand what you are going through. Unlike Anastasia and Jeanette, I have no experience whatsoever with this particular mountain. I can only tell you that it is a mountain and I remember what Jesus said about mountains. I know that God has a very good plan and provision for how to deal with this situation. I know that He is with you every step of the way and is blessing you, Keith and your whole family and will somehow bring joy and victory out of this, for nothing shall be impossible for God. Stasi, thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumph as trophies of Christ's victory and through us spreads and makes evident the fragrance of the knowledge of God everywhere. Always means always. And He said always. For as many as are the promises of God, they all find their Yes answer in Christ. For this reason, we also utter the Amen to God through Him to the glory of God. I will continue to pray for you and your family, Stasi. I love you very much! ♥Diane

Sister Threads said...

You guys are the best! Hopefully our words will help others in similar situations learn to trust God to take the best care of them.
I love you all!